


A Terrible Dwarf

by Blue_Sparkle



Series: Locks and Keys [4]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Heavy Drinking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 21:18:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2888243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Sparkle/pseuds/Blue_Sparkle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori left Dwalin to make sure his line of work would not endanger his love, and he slowly is starting to wonder whether it was worth it or whether he can go through with it</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Terrible Dwarf

The cheap spirit burned Nori’s throat but he only pulled a face and drowned it with few quick gulps. One could not expect quality in the seedy little tavern near the Eastern mines, where even the proper establishments sold substances distilled from Mahal only knew what. Dragon’s piss, some called it, for its taste and the way it felt like fire when drowned quickly. 

There used to be better ways to spend free time, but that night Nori had nothing else to do. None of his _work_ needed his attention and it was either this or be completely alone with his thoughts. Even just the prospect of it made Nori sneer at his empty cup and raise his hand to order even more of, though he didn’t quite feel like it. 

He might have gone to Dori’s house, but his older brother always watched him with that sad searching look these days, and Nori could not bear it. Not tonight. The shoddy little den he called home now might have been good, but Nori hadn’t been tired enough to simply sit on his bed and sleep away the rest of the day. He didn’t like being alone with his thoughts, even less than he liked his brothers’ silence and questioning stares. He did not want to know what he’d do trapped in his home, completely on his own and without even a guard to watch him, like there would be in a prison.

Once upon a time Nori might have searched for company in other places., with his friends, but his friends where also _his_ friends and he could not…

A quick tumble and a fuck with no strings attached in some back alley, but the pain in his heart made it impossible to even feel the need. And why would he want anyone else when he still remembered… 

Normally Nori could just have staid at home. Smile as rough and impossibly gentle hands took out his braids and brushed his hair until it gleamed, could curl up against his giant and share lazy kisses that lead nowhere, could see casual affection as a way to kill time in a pleasant way. By now his body ached for the memory of those touches, and it felt nearly daft to remember how all of this had once been just part of everyday life. 

He could not go back to Dwalin.

That was the problem, it’d be so _easy_ to let go of any rational thought and hide in Dwalin’s arms, ignoring everything else. But Nori had had a reason to do this after all. Leave Dwalin and make sure nobody would ever get the idea to hurt him. Kill him… 

Wasn’t it better to join the worst circles of criminals Nori had ever seen, knowing that the love of his life was heartbroken but safe? Safe, in case Nori miscalculated, and ended up causing Dwalin to lie dead in some ditch?

His honourable, beautiful Dwalin… It truly was better to keep his distance to see him safe. 

Nori eyed the barmaid as she poured ale into his jug, followed by clear liquors from at least three different bottles. Not the brightest idea perhaps, but today Nori just wanted to get drunk enough to not think, not hope…

He was a terrible Dwarf, Nori supposed as he raised his drink and cheered while songs were shouted all around him. He could just drink and sing and be cheerful, despite all he had done, despite how he himself was always on edge about the situation of watching dangerous Dwarves or how he’d hurt the best Dwarf he knew. It was as if his feelings numbed down completely, shifted into the background or were just gone when he was here. 

Knowing how much he had _hurt_ Dwalin was the worst of it. Knowing that he was able to push this to the back of his mind as if it was nothing.

It might have been so much easier if Dwalin reacted like most Dwarves would when faced with their lover being the way Nori was.

It had taken Nori all of his willpower to keep at his game when he watched Dwalin grow uncertain as he tried to kiss and to hold Nori. He still wasn’t sure how he had managed to be cold and disinterested while Dwalin tried to cuddle him, hold him close at night and tell him sweet nothings. Watching Dwalin’s desperation and confusion had pained him, and then when it had turned to anger…

That was the worst of it, so see Dwalin grow frustrated and yell and break things. Because that wasn’t _him_ , that was Dwalin pushed to his limits. Even then he’d still been the gentle crafter and fierce warrior Nori had fallen in love with.

When Dwalin’s grip on things started to break them, and when he yelled with his eyes wide and nostrils flaring Nori had wanted to run and hide away, or flash knives. The threat of Dwalin was a real one, and Nori knew he _could_ break him if he only could get hold of the thief. Dwalin never did lay hand on Nori, never harmed him in any way though he seemed to try and start a fight. 

Each time he had broken something, or had said something too hurtful Dwalin would look so utterly upset, the remorse clear on his face as he tried to fix anything he could. He never dared to approach Nori to apologize, but then Nori wouldn’t have expected him to, with how he only ever watched him silently. 

Part of Nori had hoped that Dwalin would just stop loving him when he finally did leave completely. Another part was begging and screaming to not do this, to not break the relationship that was closest to the trust and love he’d only ever had with his family, to not leave that Dwarf he loved so dearly. 

He shouldn’t have worried or hoped. Dwalin loved him, and Dwalin suffered. And maybe Dwalin _would_ eventually stop loving him, would decide that he could not forgive him, but even he’d still ache from how Nori had treated him. 

Nori watched Dwalin, even though that hurt. He couldn’t just leave him completely alone after all; he couldn’t risk Dwalin being hurt despite all he’d done. A selfish part of Nori could also admit that he simply wanted to _see_ Dwalin, even if he could not be with him anymore. 

He might have deserved Dwalin cheating on him as they’d still been together, in a way. Dwalin tried, too, but as Nori watched Dwalin get drunk and try to flirt one night, he’d also seen how Dwalin ended up in a mess. He’d brought him home that night, seeing Dwalin’s tears and hearing how he begged his thief for forgiveness and he’d nearly cried himself as he took care of Dwalin and put him to bed. 

Even at his worst, actively trying to hurt Nori, he still was too good a Dwarf to do so. And Nori was the most terrible of all. 

By now Nori thought that he would not deserve Dwalin under any circumstances. That he’d found him, and that Dwalin loved him and had taken him like this felt like some oversight of Mahal, for surely this was too good for Nori to have for even the too short time. 

He’d sobbed, as he’d cut the last hope for Dwalin for things to be set right. The gorgeous little lock Dwalin had crafted for them had been the most beautiful gift Nori had ever received. There’d been those who had given him trinkets, and rings or pretty hairpieces and things that were of practical use to him, but of course none had been too precious. Dwalin had gifted him things he’d made himself, but the lock… that was something completely different, nothing Nori could even begin to compare to silver chains woven into his beard or bracelets with amber or amethysts. 

It had been hard to climb up to where he’d hung the lock himself, and even harder to cling to the rock as he tried to open it up as carefully as he could. Nori had been quiet as his tears blurred his vision and his hand and legs trembled where he tried to hold on. He did not wish to damage the beautiful thing. It was so stupid to think of it really, that Nori even knew how to remove the lock subtly with no damage left, where it wasn’t supposed to leave the spot on the rock at all. 

He’d polished it and put in on Dwalin’s pillows while he slept. Later Nori had just wished that he could remove the marks he’d left on Dwalin’s life as easily as he’d done with the lock. 

He had watched Dwalin especially carefully after returning the gift. Not on that first day though, he’d spent that one weeping curled around a blanket under his bed. A little time for sorrow had been necessary despite everything else he’d needed to do. 

It had taken a while to really see how Dwalin was feeling. He was so good at hiding whatever pain he felt when there were things to be done in the palace or at work. For a little while Nori had hoped _feared_ that Dwalin was fine with everything, that he’d decided to forget about Nori. Later he’d seen that slip, had seen the way Dwalin would take deep shuddering breaths before calming himself as nobody watched, or how he’d be alone at home, barely moving and clutching his chest with a hand, or how he’d hold his viol in his hands but wouldn’t play a single note. 

Nori had stopped watching Dwalin as much after that. 

He was right in what he’d done; he’d simply have to push out any thought of what Dwalin might think of him. He’d not understand but this was for the best. 

Now Nori wouldn’t think of him. Now he’d drown everything in whatever his cup had been filled with and just forget.

A cheer went through the tavern and Nori looked up in time to see a Dwarf with the colourful braids in the Ironfists’ style laugh and grab the front of his shirt to pull him into a kiss. He let it happen, kissed back with teeth and grinding back, and as they pulled apart he raised his fist in victory as the cheering grew louder. He watched the Ironfist laugh and twirl away as other patrons were begging for a kiss from the gorgeous Dwarf. 

Nori took a gulp from his ale, feeling pride as some turned to him with shining eyes as well, teasing and questions whether the pretty lean Dwarf was also up for kisses and maybe more. He laughed and leaned towards the hands, completely in his element as he was admired and begged for a touch or a kiss. 

He turned so that his braids swung around, earning him whistles, and called out that he’d give a kiss for a necklace of mithril, or for the price of a drink. There was laughter and teasing and even better, some of the bolder ones actually turned to the laughing barmaid to ask her to give Nori whatever he’d been drinking, on them of course. 

It was hard to move in the press of Dwarves so close to the counter, but Nori expertly danced around them, pushing himself through with relative ease and laughing and kissing cheeks or noses when somebody tried to hold him back or blocked the way and revelling in their hooting. 

“’ll be right back you bastards,” he called back “’s just gonna take a slash.” 

There were some lewd suggestions about anyone accompanying Nori but he flipped them off and staggered away towards one of the doors, leaving them to celebrate whatever came to their minds. 

The tavern’s floor was more unsteady that Nori had expected, though he really shouldn’t be surprised with the amount of stuff he’d poured into his ales. He wasn’t too drunk to regret it yet, but there was nothing wrong with getting properly sauced once in a while. His heart didn’t ache and Nori felt content, humming softly as he pushed past the patrons. He breathed as well as it was possible in the smoke filled room, with none of the usual tightness in his chest. So easy, to be where nobody cared about who he was or what he was doing, so easy to enjoy it. 

Nori smiled softly and took a sip from his jug when something grabbed his arm hard and spun him around, making ale slosh onto the floor. 

“What in Mahal’s name-“ Nori protested, hand already twisting to let a knife slide out of his sleeve. 

He froze when his vision unblured enough to make out a magnificent red beard and the stormy face above. 

“Just _what_ do you think you’re doing?” Glóin hissed sharply, his voice dangerously quiet instead of his usual booming and proud talk.

“Having an afternoon tea party?” Nori suggested with a raised eyebrow. 

Glóin didn’t look very impressed at that. His grip on Nori’s elbow tightened and he grabbed his collar with the other. Nori didn’t protest as Glóin lead him out of the tavern and away into the alley, where it was quieter and little of the light streamed out of the door and windows. He might have slipped away with relative ease, but all the fight had left him in face of the anger on Glóin’s face. 

He did shout out in protest when Glóin shoved him against the wall urgently. The now near empty jug was knocked out of Nori’s hand and he glared as he watched it bounce over the ground and roll away.

“Tha’ one was really uncalled for you know?” he snapped, but Glóin’s fist on his lapels pushed him against the wall. 

“I’ll show you uncalled for,” Glóin warned, eyes narrowing. 

He gave Nori a little shake as he sagged a little, pushing him upright. 

“Just how much of that swill did you drink? Don’t you have anything better to do?”

Nori hated this, hated how this sounded too much like a scolding as if he was a petulant child, how this was so different from how Dori was like in his disapproval, but how it reeked of parental anger.

“’m a grown Dwarf,” he reminded Glóin with a slur, flashing his teeth in a grin.

Glóin screwed up his nose and looked Nori over. It shouldn’t make him feel self-conscious, but Nori was painfully aware of his clothes being less than fine and how thin and pale his face had gotten lately. He hadn’t seen Glóin in so long; even before he had decided to break with Dwalin there had been little time to properly meet any of the company. They all had lives after all, and duties or their crafts to see to. 

The disapproval on the merchant’s face was evident and hurt more than Nori cared to admit to himself.

“What’s become of you?” Glóin asked softly. “You look shabbier than you ever did, and lurk around in even shabbier taverns. What’s going on with you that you’re getting this drunk in places like this and do… _all_ of what went down right now.”

Nori made a weak attempt to move away, but his knees felt weak and even Glóin’s looser grip seemed impossible to escape. 

“I think, Mister Glóin,” he said with a smirk, “that this is none of your damn business.”

“It _is_ my business if you’re hurting Dwalin!” Glóin boomed and shoved Nori harder against the wall. 

He hadn’t heard this name out loud for too long and it made everything feel cold and clear, too clear really. 

All traces of his smile left Nori’s face as he stared Glóin down. 

“What I do should not concern him,” he whispered, “and you even less.”

“Really? I seem to recall my cousin being stupidly in love and completely smitten by a little thief, and him begging my Imlís to help him find just the right kind of spices or ambers to make a gift for him, of my cousin being happier than I’ve ever seen him and wanting to settle down and marry and start a family or whatever he had in mind.”

Nori tried to look anywhere but at Glóin’s face as he spoke, trying his hardest to keep his face neutral and his breathing calm. Dwalin had always felt the need to gift him things find ingredients the Eastern recipes Nori was so fond of even if they had been hard to find with Erebor’s trade still going slow. It had never mattered, he’d always wanted to make Nori feel loved and show that he wanted him to be happy and content, even with the little things. 

“And then imagine finding that cousin who you thought was happy with his life all distressed, wondering what he did wrong, quietly asking if he’s been acting weird or rough without noticing. And then you watch him grow desperate and sad and in the end, and then heartbroken and utterly _lost_ and suddenly he is alone and none of us even knows where _you_ are all day. So tell me, how does what you do not concern me?”

Nori pressed his lips together as Glóin paused, watching him carefully for a reaction. 

“He’ll be fine,” Nori said. “Just wait a bit and he’ll stop sulking.”

“Oh he won’t,” there was a sneer on Glóin’s face, and it hurt to see one of his friends turn on Nori like he did. He had deserved it though.

“Have you ever cared for Dwalin at all? Don’t you know how he is like now, when he thinks he’s alone or when he’s too tired to hide how you broke his bloody heart and he doesn’t even know why?”

Nori stared into Glóin’s eyes for a few seconds before finally turning his head away to stare towards where light streamed out of the tavern’s door. 

Of course he did. He had hidden in the shadows and watched Dwalin at what still felt like his home. He knew, and he had stopped watching, had hoped that one day Dwalin would just move on, sooner rather than later. He cared for Dwalin, and he couldn’t be around him when it’d mean danger for him.

Glóin followed Nori’s gaze, and they watched as a few drunken Dwarves walked out of the door, one of them waving and leaving down the street, the others returning to where somebody had started another raunchy song. None of them looked their way.

“Dori hadn’t known what you’re up to,” Glóin started again. “And I certainly didn’t expect to find you here.”

Glóin let go of Nori’s lapels and took a small step back, giving Nori another searching look, and Nori wasn’t sure whether there was pity or disgust on his face. 

“If you don’t care for what Dwalin thinks I might as well tell him, right? That you’re spending your nights in seedy places like this, making out with strangers and doing Mahal knows what else? He might want to know what you’re up to while he is alone and aches.”

_Yes_ a voice in Nori’s head whispered _A clean break, have Dwalin know that you won’t return, dash his hopes if he still has any, release him from this, let him move on._

“No!” he chocked out, voice hardly more than a whimper.

He stumbled towards Glóin, his legs much weaker than he had thought, reaching for Glóin’s sleeve. 

“No _please_ don’t tell him, I didn’t- Don’t do this to him!”

He must have drunk so much more than he could handle, and hot tears were spilling over his cheeks. Nori couldn’t keep his shoulders from shaking with his sobs as he pleaded near soundlessly, for what he wasn’t sure. Maybe for Glóin to never hurt Dwalin with telling him, maybe for Mahal to keep the mountain safe without Nori having to do anything at all. 

The pity was clear on Glóin’s face, but there was little mercy in his eyes as he gently pulled Nori’s hands away from his sleeve. He didn’t offer a hand when Nori stumbled back against the wall. 

“I don’t know what made you do this to Dwalin,” he simply said, “but I really hope it’s worth it.”

He left without looking back and Nori’s legs gave out and he slid down to the ground with a flop. 

_Hope it’s worth it_

The tears burned on his cheeks and Nori hugged his knees as he cried, soaking his sleeves. He hadn’t wept like this for too long, and it was as if all the sorrow he’d not dared let out had amassed to burst out all at once as soon as his resolve to remain calm broke. 

_Of course it’s worth it, you are doing your duty to the crown, you are protecting Erebor, you are protecting_ Dwalin _, of course it’s worth it,_ the rational part of Nori screamed. 

He sat huddled up behind a tavern with the sounds of it drowning out the noise of the violent sobs that shook him hard. He wanted his brothers there to hold him, wanted Dori to wrap him up in their old quilt and hold him until everything was better, just as he’d done when Nori was so very little, and he wanted this without having to explain himself. 

He wanted _Dwalin_ and his kisses and hands brushing through his hair, wanted Dwalin to kiss away the tears and tell him that everything was _fine_ and they could go back to how they were. 

He couldn’t have that. 

So Nori tried his best to muffle any noises he made, and try not to drown in the knowledge that he’d hurt everyone he cared for, that he could not possibly expect Dwalin to understand or forgive him, and that he had no one to blame for any of his pain but himself.


End file.
